When you look into my eyes, do you see how tired I am? Do you see how hard I have worked or care that I have trouble sleeping? Day in and day out I wake up and accomplish something then move onto the next task. Do you feel the weight I drag behind me? Do you hear the hint of exhaustion in my voice when I speak? What thoughts do these questions illicit I wonder. I remain on a never-ending journey to find more questions to ask, and these questions come to me when I observe myself in the mirror. How many of us take the time to look into our own eyes and truly try to understand what motivates ourselves. I know many of us already believe that we know, but I am not convinced when I hear others speak about themselves and what they focus on. I am no better at understanding than anyone else and I do not ask these questions in the way a sage to a student would. No, I do not have the answers, nor do I claim to. I am not even sure that if the answers were available, I would even be willing to learn them; how presumptuous of me to assume that responsibility and attempt to teach others what I believe they should know. No, I will not rob them of the opportunity to experience and learn the answers for themselves. I am not on a misguided mission to enlighten or become enlightened, I am here to live, love, and be loved. Come what may, I remain ever vigilant of myself and of others motivations. Consider this though, when you look in your eyes, what do you see?
So here I sit upon my carpet that barely brings warmth or comfort to my poor dilapidated and chilled feet, pondering as I often do when there seems almost nothing else to be done. My gaze rises slightly to peer through a crack or rather a sliver of intruding light that seems, in my mind, to be attempting an escape back into the world from whence it came here in the first place. The only thought I am consciously aware of is how soon the night seems to end and the light brings upon a new day, a day of memories past, and a day of plans or maybe nothing at all; perhaps a day of achievement or contradicting failure or loss. After brief contemplation I think of days past and remember with a slight sadness thoughts of how ever-moving time is and how ever-ending time will remain to be.
A lump in my throat, a chill down my spine as nostalgia sets in a single thought on my mind. Gone seem the days of hopes and desires, replaced now it seems by a duty that mires. I shake my head; these thoughts are not my own, everything I’ve worked for and done has wrought what I now have here. Happiness now and tad bit of pride should be the thoughts that stir in my mind, instead I get dribble based on past hopes or accomplishments. I wonder to myself where it all went, now don’t misunderstand it’s not a drive or the ambition that drives people into action that I am referring to, nor are they the hopes and dreams of a past self remembered. No, it seems my old thoughts of time always prevailed in my mind because through observation and a decided mind, time is precious to all that exist. Time is something we all could do with just a little bit more of.
Do you ever feel like you’re alone? Not in an existential way, but I mean when you turn on the T.V. and flip to the news or read a headline about something that people are getting involved in? How about when you’re listening to the radio and the station brings up something going on and you get an itch to switch the channel until they have either changed the topic or put your music back on? Lately that’s been going on with me. Please don’t misunderstand I enjoy keeping up to date with current events and world affairs. What I do not necessarily enjoy is hearing the same thing over and over regarding the same two candidates for president in America or how voting for either of them will end everything as we know it. Black lives matter, all lives matter, and blue lives matter, what happened to the equality? Was it really there to begin with? We have gone from using children in the workplace as a cheap labor force to enforcing some of the most divers curriculums in the education system and we have completely lost our identity. What is our identity though? We are the loud Americans butting into things we know nothing about and fixing problems that some in world claim we are responsible for in the first place. Is this true? Are these accusations based on fact or are they just other angry societies of people looking for something or someone to blame? I for one do not have an answer for any of these questions.
What I do believe is that people need to start stressing less and getting off their Asses and their phones and do something that may actually make a difference a little more often. Online games and social media keep our attention. People behind microphones talk and other people listening hear hatred or hope. We are a society gasping for breath barely keeping afloat drowning in something unseen but as tangible as this keyboard that I am typing on at this very instant. When people read pornographic they expect to read something offensive. When they see “G rated society” they anticipate an attack on people with an opinion they wish to express, an opinion that generally opposes what most people would consider politically correct. Here is something that may or may not be politically correct; when someone says something along the lines of “All guns need to be handed over to the government because people are too irresponsible to handle them safely.” What immediately stirs in your mind and gut? Do you agree with the sentiment or do you feel something akin to rage for such a thought even being considered? Do hateful words and counter thoughts occur to you? What about transgender people? Do you consider them people? How about gay marriage? You know what the idea of gay marriage reminds me of? The idea that once upon a time, interracial marriage was looked at in equal horror and disgust.
These thoughts and concepts are so prevalent in this moment and time, and its all being overshadowed by a single event that temporarily redirects peoples attention to something that is supposed to bring unity and cohesion, regardless of borders and boundaries. Instead I hear stories of conflict outside of normal competitiveness, stories that describe people enraged that someone would utter an opinion in opposition to their own. I myself am guilty of this knee jerk reaction instead of being a reasonable adult and human being I immediately want to go on the offensive and cause that person emotional or psychological pain in a misguided effort to either alter their opinion or silence it altogether. If an idea is considered dangerous enough to enough people does it deserve the death sentence that so many people would pass judgment on? Everything here is important to our growth and continued development as an overall society. What is most important for our society are the people within it and the continued existence of their ideas and opinions.